


Six Candles

by iammisscullen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, M/M, Spoiler: Tony Stark Dies on this One Too, This is Tony and Bucky Centric, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, coming together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21698017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iammisscullen/pseuds/iammisscullen
Summary: His mother used to tell him that anything is possible for him, despite the poverty and the on-going war. And Bucky believed it, even when he lost most of his memories, he can’t forget that simple word of wisdom. But years later — many, many years later — with HYDRA in-between, and waking up into the 21st century, he realised that his mother forgot to caution him about time, how he doesn’t have forever to do everything he wishes.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	Six Candles

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so my friend, [Somiko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somiko_Raven/pseuds/Somiko_Raven), and I are doing a writing prompt. The prompt was, "Planet Earth is blue, and there’s nothing I can do..." And it gave birth to this fic. As to how it turned out like this, I was listening to much to my [Don't Go Where I Can't Follow You](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5GnVyOzS80yVRpVgt55RzJ?si=a1t5yq7LTRuVIh-NIWleeQ) playlist on Spotify. And too much, FM Static's [Six Candles](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y4cursaZXTE), where I took the title from.
> 
> Read with caution because this has got a sad ending, and super self-indulgent. Another PSA, is that the Netflix joke wasn't originally mine, which y'all know. Also, all mistakes are mine because I don't have beta.
> 
> Will it be okay, if I say enjoy reading? When this is sad?

_“The hardest thing to do when you go back underwater, is talk about what the sky was like.” -_ **_**Iain Thomas** _ **

**

His mother used to tell him that anything is possible for him, despite the poverty and the on-going war. And Bucky believed it, even when he lost most of his memories, he can’t forget that simple word of wisdom. But years later — many, many years later — with HYDRA in-between, and waking up into the 21st century, he realised that his mother forgot to caution him about time, how he doesn’t have forever to do everything he wishes.

And as he stares into the facility’s garden, with the white daffodils and calla lilies blooming to signal spring, he regrets not learning of the latter adage. There’s nothing he can do about it anymore, except mourn, and wait for the day that he no longer won’t. Not that he thinks such a day will come for him to stop hurting, but they did say he will. They wouldn’t tell him when because it’s different for other people, which means he would _never_ heal.

If he’s really honest, he wishes never to if it means forgetting; he’s done it a whole lot at the hands of HYDRA and he doesn’t recommend it.

He’d rather hurt and remember, than forget and heal. A heart that hurts is a heart that’s been loved, right? And he _was_ loved, same as he love back in return. He even got more than he deserved.

**

**_**6 years ago…** _ **

Everything about this new century takes him aback, but nothing like how one Tony Stark spins his head dizzy with pop culture references on every conversations, the silly nicknames, the personality that could fill a room, the snark and fast wit, the wicked sense of humour, the thousand-word-per-minute, the craziest ideas, _that_ ass and _that_ genius brain, and so many more he can’t even list because it’s Tony. The man seems to bring something new and surprising every time Bucky sees him. The resident engineer is just as fascinating as the man is attractive.

Three months into his slow recovery and Bucky starts to harbour a crush for the man. Two weeks after that insane revelation, he finds himself falling for Tony as the genius hums him a lullaby that two a.m. they found themselves in the common room couch: him plague by nightmares, and Tony coming up from one of his work binges.

They talked for a while and next thing you know, he’s got a soft, sleepy Tony who’s using his metal arm as an impromptu teddy bear, mumbling about his latest designs for Peter’s web shooters. He doesn’t remember how they went from that topic to Tony humming a lullaby for him because according to the man Bucky needs more sleep, as if he’s the one to say, the hypocrite.

And he should have woken Tony up and told him to sleep on his own bed. But Bucky’s selfish enough to want this quiet and rare moments with this selfless man, who’s never shown him anything but kindness.

Right after that, they have their usual routine of two a.m. rendezvous talking about random stuff, what they did that day, what their plans for the next day. Or if words are hard to mutter on the worst of nights, they watch a movie or Tony watches Bucky bakes in the kitchen because that’s currently his hobby. The planned steps and concise measuring of ingredients calms him. He feels like he’s in control, and at the same time he can tell where his limits are. It’s comforting.

But the best part of all the nights despite his constant nightmares is that he’s always around Tony; and to his own disbelief, the genius hasn’t been tired of him yet. For sure the billionaire has got better things to do than spend important time with a recovering POW.

And if he only bakes Tony’s favourites or whatever strikes the engineer’s fancy, no one had mind so far.

**

**_**5 years ago…** _ **

‘So… Tony, huh?’ Steve’s superstitiously glancing at him over the morning paper. There’s so much left unsaid in that one sentence alone.

‘Shouldn’t you be happy for me?’ Bucky doesn’t want to deny what he’s sure Steve knows already. He’s been pretty obvious that he likes Tony, the whole team knows about it, even Fury.

Him and Tony have not been subtle with their flirting, though it hasn’t escalated into more. He’s actually terrified to dig deeper into their relationship because he might have read it all wrong, and the engineer sees him only as a friend, whom he casually winks at and cuddles with and share lingering touches with, and so much more things that Bucky’s _quite_ sure friends don’t do to each other except when there’s something more than platonic feelings involve.

Steve puts down his paper prop, different kinds of emotions playing across his face. The shock was a surprise though since Bucky thought that the reason why his best friend hasn’t spoken about this thing between him and Tony is because Steve was okay with it.

‘Oh, Buck,’ the blond says softly, as if he’s scared a level louder would break Bucky.

**

**_**4 years ago…** _ **

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he demands, voice loud but cracking. There’s a lot of things inside his chest that he cannot name, that makes his whole body shake as if any minute now he’s going to explode. He’s not sure if it’s the serum that’s allowing him to stand on his two feet when he feels like sinking on the floor from the gravity of the grief that pulls him down.

Tony doesn’t look different from him, all tense and trembling, only that his grief isn’t crippling; his looks like stubborn acceptance, which is worse because Bucky wants him to fight. He can’t bare the genius giving up, it means that Tony’s explored every angle, tried everything, and lost.

It means there’s not even a shade of hope left. And that empties him of everything, leaving only a numbing pain makes him want to lash out just to feel something else other than the ache that’s making a home inside his bones.

‘You were _never_ going to tell me, were you?’ The accusation carries truth when he sees the engineer wince. And that hurts as well because how many times were he always the one in the dark? Always unaware of the bigger picture.

Seven decades being HYDRA’s mindless murder-puppet still haunts him, so he tries very hard not to be the oblivious by-stander. But here he is again: not knowing, and not being able to do anything as the man he loves marches to his own demise.

‘I’m sorry, James.’ There’s that resignation again that’s too painful to hear. ‘I was selfish…’ Tony closes the physical space between them, staying only a foot away but sounding long gone. ‘I didn’t know it would come to this.’

How many have known of Tony’s situation? Steve for sure, that’s why his best friend have discouraged him. Everyone in the team knows, he guesses. Except him.

Bucky clutches to the genius’ arm with his flesh one, desperately convincing himself that Tony’s still there — alive and breathing — otherwise, he’ll break on the floor, and he doesn’t know if he can manage to salvage himself if that happens. He was able to piece himself back before, after HYDRA took away his humanity and almost everything that he is. But he did that with the help of his friends, and mostly Tony. Now, he’s not so sure he can do it again. Not without his guiding light that overflows with kindness that glued Bucky once more into a person.

His cheeks start to wet again, and he tightens his grip on the engineer, afraid he might disappear. ‘It’s, It’s, It’s n-not real… You c-can’t… I-I-I—’

‘You’re going to be okay.’ Tony’s free hand squeezes Bucky’s flesh one. ‘You just need to let go.’

That only tightens his hold on the other man. Bucky’s tired of letting go, he’s done nothing but let go: of his past, of his hurt, of his guilt. Not this time. He can’t. He can’t, because if he does, he’s going to drown completely.

**

**_**3 years ago…** _ **

Day by day the light in those brown eyes slowly dims. Everyone pretends not to see, instead the rest of them tries to save what they can of that fading brightness, while silently praying for a miracle.

Bucky on the other hand, being the weak man that he is stays away because Tony told him so. Maybe if he’s selfish enough, he would cling to the man while there’s still time. But he wants to respect the engineer’s wishes even if it hurts.

He misses their banter and talks. It’s like Tony’s not dead yet but he’s gone from Bucky’s life already. And no one has told him how painful it is to mourn for someone who’s still alive.

But like everyone else, he’s only human and will have a breaking point. That happened during a mission when a building fell down on Tony as he tries to save civilians trapped inside the infrastructure.

Thanks to the Iron Man armour Tony survived a crushed that would have killed a normal man. And Bucky can still pinpoint the second that his heart stopped beating when he saw the debris burying the love of his life alive.

‘Hey, snowflake,’ Tony greets once he’s able to regain consciousness after being unearthed from the ruins. ‘Did you kiss me back to life?’ There’s a pained smile on his lips that gives away the magnitude of his injuries, and almost near-death experience.

The EMTs on their way. Tony doesn’t look too bad, maybe a concussion, or a broken rib or two. But _alive_. Breathing.

Anger, relief, and worry mixes in his chest as he feels the tears soak his cheeks again. He’s probably going to murder this idiot, self-sacrificing superhero for always making him cry, which definitely hurts his reputation. He’s _the_ Winter Soldier for crying out loud, a cold-hearted assassin whose kill counts is ninety-nine percent successful.

‘I can’t do this anymore, doll,’ he tells the genius, trying not to break apart because Tony’s still alive. Breathing.

‘Uhmm… maybe it’s the concussion, honey, but I’m confuse.’ Despite almost dying, Tony’s got a time to look bewildered. ‘You didn’t want to save me?’

Bucky shakes his head. ‘Not that, idiot.’

Tony scowls at him, offended.

‘I can’t stay away, anymore,’ he explains, metal hand carefully cupping Tony’s cheek. ‘I love you… and I can’t stay away. Not again… Never again.’

A flash of pain as the scowl deepens. ‘That’s not good for you.’

‘You don’t know that,’ he defends. ‘I’ve made up my mind,’ thumb brushing softly on warm skin, because Tony’s alive, ‘I love you… just as how planet Earth is blue.’ He leans his forehead on Tony’s. ‘And there’s nothing I can do.’

**

**_**2 years ago…** _ **

‘Hi, kid,’ Tony greets Peter on the phone.

‘ _Oh… Mi-Mister Stark… H-hi, Mr. Stark_.’ Bucky can hear the fifteen year old stammers, thanks to the serum.

Tony smiles fondly. ‘I’ve got you Netflix like you asked.’

‘ _Thanks, Mr. Stark._ ’ The soldier can hear the smile over the phone. ‘ _Now, I don’t have to share Ned’s account, ‘cos I’ll have my own._ ’

‘Account?’

Oh, no. Bucky saw this coming.

‘ _Yeah. The Netflix account that you got me_ ,’ Peter explains.

Tony turns to him, eyes wide. And Bucky can’t help the chuckle that escapes him.

The long pause caught Peter’s attention. ‘ _What_ kind _of Netflix did you exactly get me, Mr. Stark?_ ’

He can see Tony swallowing, comically.

‘I’ll call you back again tomorrow, Pete.’ He immediately turns off the call, cutting the boy off.

Bucky lets go of a laugh as soon as the call was over. He warned Tony about this, but the genius claimed that he knows Peter more, and what the teen needs.

‘Stop laughing,’ the engineer whines. ‘We need to do something before Pepper finds out. She’s going to have my head on a silver platter.’

‘You always take it ten-folds above standards, doll,’ Bucky says.

‘Well, excuse me for caring too much.’ The other brunet pouts, crosses his arms over his chest, leaning away from Bucky on the couch, where they’ve situated.

‘And it’s one of your best qualities, _kotenok_ ,’ he amends, pulling the man into him so they can cuddle again. He places a kiss on top of short, curly hair to placate the man some more. ‘You’ve got a big heart.’

He feels Tony breathes him in, the exhale warming Bucky’s expose neck.

‘I wanted Peter taken care of,’ Tony explains, the _‘before I’m gone’_ left unsaid.

He can’t help but pull Tony closer because that topic will always trigger his instinct to protect the man. Maybe if he holds the genius a little tighter the curse won’t take the brunet away. It’s also a coping mechanism for him to feel Tony’s warmth and remind himself that he’s still alive. Safe and alive. Breathing.

There’s a lot of weird shit that happened to him, and after meeting aliens he was sure he’s going to be ready for anything. But not this supernatural curse. The one that the Stark family had passed down for generations . Some long ago ancestor was cursed by a witch, Tony explains, to make them Starks humble and do more good with their lives now that it’s going to be short. It’s a killer disease, the engineer adds. No cure, but the burden will end with him.

Bucky closes his eyes, prays for another miracle, and hoping that this is all nothing but a bad dream. That there’s no curse, there’s no deadline, that they can both live happily ever after.

He likes to believe they have years ahead of them. So many years where they can be together and learn about each other more than they do now, and learn all about the changes they will encounter as they grow old.

His eyes got a little misty thinking how he wants to grow old with Tony, in a house with white picket fence, cliche as it may sound.

‘Marry me,’ he murmurs on Tony’s hair.

‘What?’ The man stiffens. He slowly looks up at Bucky, eyes doubtful and searching.

‘Do you want to?’ he asks, self-conscious all of the sudden because he didn’t expect to propose. But he doesn’t regret it either. His only regret is that he didn’t do it in a more romantic way like getting down in one knee, surrounded by rose petals and fifty candles. Tony deserves something like that. ‘Because I want to marry you… And I know it would sound old school, but I would like to call you husband and sign all those legal documents that proves you are mine to love and cherish and take care. I want to celebrate us with our friends and families. I want an anniversary, a special date that we choose where I can have perfect excuse to spoil you rotten.

‘And maybe for you to take my last name, or I can take your last name,’ he continues. ‘I don’t care which one, as long as we are intertwined together in all the ways that matter. And a wedding band on the fourth finger as we say that cliche vow of loving each other forever, because we will… and I want that.’

‘Okay,’ Tony answers, voice a little wet and eyes watering as well.

It catapults Bucky’s heart to the moon with happiness because the man he loves said yes. And maybe his vision starts to cloud as well as he leans down to kiss Tony softly, then fiercely because he’s so happy he can’t contain it. So, he pours it all in the kiss, which Tony replies back just as enthusiastic.

**

**_**1 year ago…** _ **

‘ _Hey, honey_.’ A clear of throat.

‘Hi, doll,’ he greets back cheerfully, whisking the egg yolk and sugar. He’s making blueberry cheesecake — Tony’s favourite — for their late first year anniversary celebration because his husband and Steve went to Siberia for recon. ‘I miss you.’

‘ _I’ll be home soon_.’ An ugly cough.

‘Are you okay, doll? You don’t sound so good.’ He stops whisking, worry creeping under his skin. Something is wrong, he doesn’t know what but he can feel it.

‘ _I’m fine_ ,’ Tony assures, a bit breathless. ‘ _Just a bit cold._ ’ A pained inhale, then a series of wet coughs.

‘Tony?’ Panic sips into his voice, cradling the phone a little too tight. It’s a good thing this custom made Starkphone don’t easily break against super soldier strength. ‘Tony?’

‘ _Still here, babe,_ ’ he says through gritted teeth. ‘ _The cold here’s a killer._ ’ His laugh is a little shaky. Another coughing fit. ‘ _Hey, James? Don’t miss me too much, okay?_ ’

A pained whimper escapes his lips, followed by an ugly sob as his legs give out under him. He closes his eyes as the tears continue to flow freely. He wishes that his intuition is wrong, because this can’t be _it_.

‘ _I gotta go for now_ ,’ Tony whispers. ‘ _I love you._ ’

Bucky feels cold all over, and he had always hated the cold.

**

**_**1 year later…** _ **

‘Peter says hello, by the way,’ he tells Rhodey. ‘Sometimes Steve still acts like it was his fault even when I tell him it isn’t.’

‘Him and Tony are two peas in a pod,’ the man replies. ‘Both stubborn and so easy to self-blame.’ He smiles fondly but it doesn’t reach his eyes. ‘And you? How are you holding up?’

Bucky shrugs, and avoids Rhodey’s probing eyes. These days he’s been pretending really hard that he’s okay. Sometimes he succeeds for awhile, then the half empty bed at night slams him back to reality. So now, he sleeps on the couch.

‘I wasn’t ready,’ he confesses. ‘We all weren’t, I guess.’

The man nods. ‘We all thought it was going to be that curse of a disease, he talks about.’ He laughs again, but without humour and it sounds a little wet as well. ‘But in a true Tony fashion he changed his fate.’

They don’t point out that the ending is the same, even when the means was different than what was originally planned. The witch might have given a time limit, but the Starks were not safe even before their time was up.

Unconsciously, he reaches for the wedding band danging on his neck. It’s cold as always, a total opposite of how warm Tony was both physically and metaphorically. But it’s there, evidence of a life Bucky had for awhile. An amazing once upon a time, with a tragic ending.

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. And congratulations on reaching the end!


End file.
